Futuristic goals

Well, once again I find myself slacking in updating.  I guess I've just been busy juggling two jobs, I've hardly spent any time at all on the computer and the few moments I had I wasn't going to spend writing nonsense in a journal.  It's not like anything I write is of any consequence anyway.  Nothing exciting happens in my life, mostly because I don't go out and do anything exciting.  I complain about how my life is so dull and repetitive, and yet I never do anything about it.  I don't know.  I'd like for that to change, I'd like to do something spur of the moment, but I just don't have the guts to do it.

For instance, I really want to go on a road trip, but do I ever take the time to plan one out?  Nope.  Besides, I don't want to go alone and finding someone else to go with me is a lot harder than you might think.  Maybe I'm just destined to live my life inside my comfort zone, or maybe I'll find someone that will give me that extra push I need and I'll be exposed to a whole new world.  I don't know, I guess only time can tell.  Either way, I hope I learn to love the life I live, rather than wallow in self-pity.  Believe me, self-pity is not attractive on anyone. (No wonder I've been single for so long.)
 
That's another thing, I've grown so comfortable being on my own I've forgotten what it was like to actually be in a relationship.  Some days I really wish I could find someone to give it a go with, but other days I'm perfectly content not being tied down.  I don't want to have to answer to anyone or check in before I decide to do something.  And yet, being alone all the time is no fun either.  Can't I have the best of both worlds?  Not that it matters, I probably don't have the capacity to love anyone more than myself anyway.  Honestly, some days I think I'll spend the rest of my life alone.  While that might depress some people, it really doesn't have that effect on me.  I don't know, maybe I'm just fooling myself.  I guess one day I'll know for sure.

It's about time I grow up though.  I need to get all my shit together and do all the things I've spent the last three years saying I was going to do.  Time to finish up school, get a real job, get my own place and figure out how to manage everything on my own.  No more relying on other people when I fall.  I've got to learn to pick myself up and try again.  I need to move on.  I need to be proud of myself, to respect myself, and maybe then the rest will just...fall into place.

Maybe.

Wishful Thinking

Things to do before I die:
+write a novel
+get poems published
+design/make something
+leave the country (done)
+go to Paris
+go to Italy
+go to Greece on my honeymoon
+live in Spain for a year
+get my Ph.D
+do what I love
+learn to fly an airplane
+swim with dolphins
+sky-dive
+own my own coffee shop
+make my parents proud
+practice photography again
+have a baby
+save someone's life
+adopt a child
+own my own house
+see New York City
+take a road trip across the U.S.
+scuba-dive
+visit Morocco
+make enough money to support myself
+learn astronomy
+learn sign-language
+learn Italian
+speak Spanish fluently
+write a letter to everyone who changed my life
+change someone's life
+go on a cruise
+fall asleep under the stars
+go on a safari in Africa
+meet someone famous
+be famous
+teach someone something
+decorate my own house
+design my own house
+be happy on my own (done)

If I think of more I'll be adding on later.  I'm sure there are a million and one things I'd love to do, I'm just trying to be realistic in my aspirations.