Day 2 — Your Crush

Dear you,

You know who you are, at least I hope you do.  I've been sitting here for awhile, trying to figure who I should write this letter to.  Obviously you were the first person that popped into my head, but since we're just friends and are going to stay that way for some time, I was hesitant.  But I did promise you I would always be honest and forthright about everything, so here I am, once again saying much more than I should.  I don't know why I can't keep my mouth shut when it comes to you, and I'm sure one day you're going to get tired of my honesty.  Sometimes secrets are a good thing, and I will do my best to maintain a little bit of mystery.  I don't need you getting bored with me just yet.

Do you know that song Collide, by Howie Day?  Well it's playing right now and I can't help but think of you.  I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not because I don't think it's exactly a happy song.  But some lines in it just speak to me and you immediately come to mind.  "Well I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind." - That's a good one, and quite true.  I'm aware I'm not always on your mind, but the fact that I cross it every once in awhile scares me.  In a good way I think.  Is it possible to be scared in a good way?  Like I said before, you've got me all sorts of confused.  And yet, I find I don't really mind it.  

In spite of everything I'm glad I've known you for 7 years, and I'm glad that we've reconnected once more.  I never could stay away from you for too long.  You always know what to say to me, although I might not always agree with it.  Your honesty astounds me.  You always seem to cheer me up, and I love the way you can make me laugh without even trying.  I can't help but talk about you, even randomly, and the mention of you always makes me smile.  You remind me what it's like to actually want to be with someone.

I'm aware that we don't have a chance, not right now, but I can't help but think about it.  You're an amazing guy and I'd be stupid to once again let the opportunity pass me by.  If ever I have a chance I will take it, without hesitation.  You're the one thing I'm sure about in my life.  Everything may be chaos around me, and I know I don't have my shit together, but I'm so sure about you.  I'm not a great catch.  I'm a mess and I'm incredibly clumsy.  I'm not a good cook, and I really don't enjoy doing.  I'm OCD at times and yet I can be an incredible slob at some things.  I always say the wrong things and I'm very awkward in social situations.  I try to hard and I just want to please everyone.  I'm easily taken advantage of and I take far less than I deserve.  You could have your pick of much better women than me, and yet all I want is for you to one day choose me.

I guess all I'm looking for is a chance and hoping that one day we find it.  Maybe one day fate will find grant us what we've both been waiting for.  Maybe all of this will have been for something.  Just know that no matter you will always have me in your life.  You are my friend and you always be.  You mean the world to me and I'll never let that go - these past 7 years should attest to that.

I just want to say thank you - you've given me a reason to smile and hope again.


Love,
Erin Rae