As much as I hate to admit it, I must say that I've been struggling lately. I'm so damn tired of being alone that I seem to fall for any guy that looks at me, and it's getting pathetic. I don't know...I guess I'm just tired of getting my hopes up and then being let down time and time again by a guy who can't follow through. I must say that for the first time I'm actually really glad that I'm stick to my abstinence goal. As much as I hate being alone, I'd hate even more to not be alone for the wrong reasons. I don't want to be the girl that guys only go to when they want a piece of ass. I've been there, done that. Yeah, it was fun...for awhile, but I'm over it now. I have no interest in being someone's booty call any more. I deserve more than that.
But, with that comes other sacrifices...like feeling alone all the time. It's something I'm used to, and most nights I enjoy being alone...but sometimes you just want to fall asleep next to someone, just to be close to someone and know that you're not entirely alone in this great big universe. I guess good things come to those who wait, so I'll keep on waiting. I'll find him. I'll find the guy that's going to give me the time of day without hesitation. I'll find the guy who knows what he wants and knows that he wants it with me. I'll find a guy who isn't into games or leading me on or doesn't make a mess of things. I'll find him...I know he's out there. I thought I already had, but I guess once again it was just wishful thinking. I have a habit of doing that.
There must be a guy out there who knows that I'm worth it. I just have to find him...or rather, let him find me. I'll let him sweep me off my feet and I won't put up a fight. Not this time.
If only...
Honestly, I had thought it was Micheal. I had thought that finally the timing was right, finally we could make it work. But I think we might be beyond that. I fear that we're destined to be "just friends" forever. Besides, he needs to be single for awhile. And how would it work out? As far away as he is he might as well be on another planet. Or back in Iraq. Like I said, it was just wishful thinking...or school girl fantasies. I don't know. He's everything I could ever ask for and hope for. On my check list, he's got it all. But maybe that isn't what's important. If it's not, then I don't know what is. I'm confused about it all. How can you feel like someone is so right for you and yet, feel like it's just not meant to be? That's a cruel joke for fate to play on a person. Show you exactly what it is you want and have been dreaming about your entire life...just to yank it away and laugh in your face. "It's just not meant to be." Well damn it, why not? Why can't I have exactly what I'm looking for? Don't I deserve to get it? Aren't I good enough? Or is it the same thing that I've had to deal with my entire life...never being good enough. Not good enough for my parents, not good enough for my friends, never good enough for any guy ever.
Ugh. I need to get away from these thoughts and feelings. I know where they lead and I don't want to go down that road.
I'm just so tired of waiting. I'm not getting any younger and eventually life is just going to pass me by. He's just going to pass me by.
Maybe it's time to give up on that fantasy and move on to something else. Maybe it's time to focus on a new dream. I'm done waiting. I've spent too much of my life waiting. I don't deserve to be on the sidelines in my own life. Either someone will realize just how great I am and will make it a point to be with me, or they won't. I can't sit around hoping that one day they'll open their eyes. Either you want to be with me, or you don't. If you do, you'll do whatever it takes to make it happen...and if I'm not worth the effort, then you don't want me bad enough. Then again...I'd rather be alone than with anyone else. I know that sounds pathetic, but it's true. I fall asleep dreaming of him, I talk about him to people who don't even know him. I'm hopeless. This is hopeless.
This is me...trying to move on. No more of this. I'm done.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Day 5 — Your dreams
My dreams. I don't even know where to begin. I'm pretty sure I've lost sight of all my dreams. Once upon a time I had a nice long list of all the things I wanted to achieve. I'm thinking now though that I need to revisit this list and make a new one. I've come to the stark realization that my dreams might be too big to achieve. However, what's the point of dreaming if you don't dream big? Although, I guess if you don't then you've got no reason to fail and be disappointed in yourself.
Failure. Always something I've hated but something I've grown accustomed to. I don't know. Maybe this is why it's so easy to be placated even when I don't accomplish anything I want. Or maybe I've just come to realize some new dreams of mine. For instance, as much as I would love to work on mass graves I've come to the understanding that I really don't NEED to do it. I'd be perfectly fine doing something else. I've kind of gotten the idea into my head of becoming a teacher...despite the fact that I used to hate the idea. I really do think I'd be good at it. I love being a substitute teacher and I think I'd enjoy having my own class so much more. I don't know...just a new thought I've been sitting on. Unfortunately that means a bit more schooling (I'm never going to finish)!
No matter how much my dreams change (and I expect them to keep on changing), I know I'll end up exactly where I'm supposed to be and I know I'll eventually figure it all out. Until then I'm just trying to enjoy the journey and learn as much as I possibly can about everything I possibly can. I'm happy, and all I can hope for is to have much more happy days than sad ones. A day without laughing is a day wasted, so I'm just going to try to spend as many days laughing as I can. Other than that, I'm really not worried about what the future may or may not hold. It will all come together in the end, I'm sure of it.
So, to my dreams. I will keep discovering and re-evaluating you. Just keep me company and I'm sure one day we'll meet and everything will come together.
Erin Rae
Failure. Always something I've hated but something I've grown accustomed to. I don't know. Maybe this is why it's so easy to be placated even when I don't accomplish anything I want. Or maybe I've just come to realize some new dreams of mine. For instance, as much as I would love to work on mass graves I've come to the understanding that I really don't NEED to do it. I'd be perfectly fine doing something else. I've kind of gotten the idea into my head of becoming a teacher...despite the fact that I used to hate the idea. I really do think I'd be good at it. I love being a substitute teacher and I think I'd enjoy having my own class so much more. I don't know...just a new thought I've been sitting on. Unfortunately that means a bit more schooling (I'm never going to finish)!
No matter how much my dreams change (and I expect them to keep on changing), I know I'll end up exactly where I'm supposed to be and I know I'll eventually figure it all out. Until then I'm just trying to enjoy the journey and learn as much as I possibly can about everything I possibly can. I'm happy, and all I can hope for is to have much more happy days than sad ones. A day without laughing is a day wasted, so I'm just going to try to spend as many days laughing as I can. Other than that, I'm really not worried about what the future may or may not hold. It will all come together in the end, I'm sure of it.
So, to my dreams. I will keep discovering and re-evaluating you. Just keep me company and I'm sure one day we'll meet and everything will come together.
Erin Rae
Monday, October 24, 2011
Day 4 — Your siblings
Sibling relationships - and 80 percent of Americans have at least one - outlast marriages, survive the death of parents, resurface after quarrels that would sink any friendship. They flourish in a thousand incarnations of closeness and distance, warmth, loyalty and distrust.
Nyssa,
I’ve pretty much told you all I can tell you in my maid of honor speech at your wedding. That moment was so surreal to me, my little sister getting married. And here you are, two years later still happy as ever and with a baby on the way. I must admit I’ve had my doubts, but you’ve proven me wrong. I know we don’t agree on everything, and we have very different views and opinions and ways of going about things, but you are my sister and I love you.
I still can’t believe you’re going to be a mother and I’m going to be an aunt. This makes me feel old actually. But I’m so excited, although probably not as excited as you are.
Thank you so much for being such an amazing sister and I’m glad to be your big sister.
Tegan,
I’ve already written you a letter as my best friend, but I think writing one to my sister will be easier. You are a great sister to have, although sometimes I feel like you’re the older sister and I’m living in your shadow. You are such a smart, strong girl and at times I’m envious of it. I wish I could have your drive and brains. I’m very proud of you, dear sister, and I always will be.
You are such a great people person, and so selfless in everything you do. You’re a great friend to have and you’re always putting others first. You give good advice and you’re an excellent listener. All the lives you touch are forever changed because of you. You’ve got such a strong presence that people have a hard time forgetting you.
I know you have forever changed my life and you will always be a hug part of it. I know I can count on you for anything and if I ever need to talk you’re always there, ready to listen and give the best advice you can give. You might be four years younger than me but I honestly feel young in comparison. You definitely are an old soul and it’s amazing.
I’ve never been more thankful to have anyone for a sibling. You truly are a rock. Thank you for everything and keep working on your dreams. You can achieve anything, I firmly believe that.
Ian,
How unfortunate it must be to be a younger brother to three older sisters. I know we pick on you a lot and give you a hard time but it's because we love you and are looking out for you. Always know that no matter what you've got sisters who have got your back. We're lucky to have you and I'm thankful every day to have a brother like you. Thank you for being awesome. I love you.
Good luck in all you do and I'm proud of you. Keep up the good work.
Nyssa,
I’ve pretty much told you all I can tell you in my maid of honor speech at your wedding. That moment was so surreal to me, my little sister getting married. And here you are, two years later still happy as ever and with a baby on the way. I must admit I’ve had my doubts, but you’ve proven me wrong. I know we don’t agree on everything, and we have very different views and opinions and ways of going about things, but you are my sister and I love you.
I still can’t believe you’re going to be a mother and I’m going to be an aunt. This makes me feel old actually. But I’m so excited, although probably not as excited as you are.
Thank you so much for being such an amazing sister and I’m glad to be your big sister.
Tegan,
I’ve already written you a letter as my best friend, but I think writing one to my sister will be easier. You are a great sister to have, although sometimes I feel like you’re the older sister and I’m living in your shadow. You are such a smart, strong girl and at times I’m envious of it. I wish I could have your drive and brains. I’m very proud of you, dear sister, and I always will be.
You are such a great people person, and so selfless in everything you do. You’re a great friend to have and you’re always putting others first. You give good advice and you’re an excellent listener. All the lives you touch are forever changed because of you. You’ve got such a strong presence that people have a hard time forgetting you.
I know you have forever changed my life and you will always be a hug part of it. I know I can count on you for anything and if I ever need to talk you’re always there, ready to listen and give the best advice you can give. You might be four years younger than me but I honestly feel young in comparison. You definitely are an old soul and it’s amazing.
I’ve never been more thankful to have anyone for a sibling. You truly are a rock. Thank you for everything and keep working on your dreams. You can achieve anything, I firmly believe that.
Ian,
How unfortunate it must be to be a younger brother to three older sisters. I know we pick on you a lot and give you a hard time but it's because we love you and are looking out for you. Always know that no matter what you've got sisters who have got your back. We're lucky to have you and I'm thankful every day to have a brother like you. Thank you for being awesome. I love you.
Good luck in all you do and I'm proud of you. Keep up the good work.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Day 3 — Your parents
I'm going to write two letters this time, one to mom and one to dad. This is the day I've been regretting but I'll just have to do it and get it over with.
Dear Mama,
You and I have never exactly been on the same page, but that doesn't really matter. Even through our differences I will always love you. Your my mother and you have been such a great example for us growing up. You always told us how much we loved you, not that I always believed you. I know I was a problem child and I know I'm not perfect...but who is? I make things overly complicated and I'm sorry. I'm also sorry I've been such a disappointment and I haven't done anything with my life. I want you to know that I AM trying to make you proud of me. I just want you to know that I do love you and I would do anything to make sure you always remember that.
I'm sorry you're going through all this stuff with the hospitals and whatnot. I wish I could just take away all the pain and make everything better. But since I can't, I just want you to know that I will be by your side through it all. If you ever need anything, I am here for you. I love you and I will always try to protect you from everything.
Thank you so much for being such a strong woman and showing me that one doesn't need much to be rich in life. You have put up with a lot and have been through a lot and that just makes you all the stronger. Thank you for being the best woman I've ever known and I will love you always.
I will make you proud of me.
Love,
Erin Rae
Dear Papa,
You'll never read this letter, and I never expected you to. You're not a sentimental man in the least. I don't think I've ever seen you show emotion...other than crazy, but I know you love me and I love you too. I'm not entirely sure what to say to you. I just know you and I don't sit and talk like the rest of the family does. You're quite the mystery to me. There's so much about you I don't know and I wish I did, I just don't know how to ask you. I guess one day I'll have to find the way because you're not getting any younger and all too soon you'll be gone and I'll be left with all these questions.
You have your temper and sometimes I hate you for it. But I forgive you. I know your life hasn't been easy and I know sometimes you take out your aggression and anger on the wrong people. We get that. I just wish there was something I could do to take away all that anger so you could just spend the rest of your life happy. I just want you to be happy.
I'm not an easy daughter to have and I know sometimes you feel like I'm not the best I could be. I'd have to agree with you. I'm not. But I also want you to know that I will try my hardest to be who you want me to be. I want you to one day be proud of me and maybe love me.
I love you so much Papa and I hope I get many more years with you.
Love,
Erin Rae
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Day 2 — Your Crush
Dear you,
You know who you are, at least I hope you do. I've been sitting here for awhile, trying to figure who I should write this letter to. Obviously you were the first person that popped into my head, but since we're just friends and are going to stay that way for some time, I was hesitant. But I did promise you I would always be honest and forthright about everything, so here I am, once again saying much more than I should. I don't know why I can't keep my mouth shut when it comes to you, and I'm sure one day you're going to get tired of my honesty. Sometimes secrets are a good thing, and I will do my best to maintain a little bit of mystery. I don't need you getting bored with me just yet.
Do you know that song Collide, by Howie Day? Well it's playing right now and I can't help but think of you. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not because I don't think it's exactly a happy song. But some lines in it just speak to me and you immediately come to mind. "Well I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind." - That's a good one, and quite true. I'm aware I'm not always on your mind, but the fact that I cross it every once in awhile scares me. In a good way I think. Is it possible to be scared in a good way? Like I said before, you've got me all sorts of confused. And yet, I find I don't really mind it.
In spite of everything I'm glad I've known you for 7 years, and I'm glad that we've reconnected once more. I never could stay away from you for too long. You always know what to say to me, although I might not always agree with it. Your honesty astounds me. You always seem to cheer me up, and I love the way you can make me laugh without even trying. I can't help but talk about you, even randomly, and the mention of you always makes me smile. You remind me what it's like to actually want to be with someone.
I'm aware that we don't have a chance, not right now, but I can't help but think about it. You're an amazing guy and I'd be stupid to once again let the opportunity pass me by. If ever I have a chance I will take it, without hesitation. You're the one thing I'm sure about in my life. Everything may be chaos around me, and I know I don't have my shit together, but I'm so sure about you. I'm not a great catch. I'm a mess and I'm incredibly clumsy. I'm not a good cook, and I really don't enjoy doing. I'm OCD at times and yet I can be an incredible slob at some things. I always say the wrong things and I'm very awkward in social situations. I try to hard and I just want to please everyone. I'm easily taken advantage of and I take far less than I deserve. You could have your pick of much better women than me, and yet all I want is for you to one day choose me.
I guess all I'm looking for is a chance and hoping that one day we find it. Maybe one day fate will find grant us what we've both been waiting for. Maybe all of this will have been for something. Just know that no matter you will always have me in your life. You are my friend and you always be. You mean the world to me and I'll never let that go - these past 7 years should attest to that.
I just want to say thank you - you've given me a reason to smile and hope again.
Love,
Erin Rae
You know who you are, at least I hope you do. I've been sitting here for awhile, trying to figure who I should write this letter to. Obviously you were the first person that popped into my head, but since we're just friends and are going to stay that way for some time, I was hesitant. But I did promise you I would always be honest and forthright about everything, so here I am, once again saying much more than I should. I don't know why I can't keep my mouth shut when it comes to you, and I'm sure one day you're going to get tired of my honesty. Sometimes secrets are a good thing, and I will do my best to maintain a little bit of mystery. I don't need you getting bored with me just yet.
Do you know that song Collide, by Howie Day? Well it's playing right now and I can't help but think of you. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not because I don't think it's exactly a happy song. But some lines in it just speak to me and you immediately come to mind. "Well I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind." - That's a good one, and quite true. I'm aware I'm not always on your mind, but the fact that I cross it every once in awhile scares me. In a good way I think. Is it possible to be scared in a good way? Like I said before, you've got me all sorts of confused. And yet, I find I don't really mind it.
In spite of everything I'm glad I've known you for 7 years, and I'm glad that we've reconnected once more. I never could stay away from you for too long. You always know what to say to me, although I might not always agree with it. Your honesty astounds me. You always seem to cheer me up, and I love the way you can make me laugh without even trying. I can't help but talk about you, even randomly, and the mention of you always makes me smile. You remind me what it's like to actually want to be with someone.
I'm aware that we don't have a chance, not right now, but I can't help but think about it. You're an amazing guy and I'd be stupid to once again let the opportunity pass me by. If ever I have a chance I will take it, without hesitation. You're the one thing I'm sure about in my life. Everything may be chaos around me, and I know I don't have my shit together, but I'm so sure about you. I'm not a great catch. I'm a mess and I'm incredibly clumsy. I'm not a good cook, and I really don't enjoy doing. I'm OCD at times and yet I can be an incredible slob at some things. I always say the wrong things and I'm very awkward in social situations. I try to hard and I just want to please everyone. I'm easily taken advantage of and I take far less than I deserve. You could have your pick of much better women than me, and yet all I want is for you to one day choose me.
I guess all I'm looking for is a chance and hoping that one day we find it. Maybe one day fate will find grant us what we've both been waiting for. Maybe all of this will have been for something. Just know that no matter you will always have me in your life. You are my friend and you always be. You mean the world to me and I'll never let that go - these past 7 years should attest to that.
I just want to say thank you - you've given me a reason to smile and hope again.
Love,
Erin Rae
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Dear best friend,
I know I don't say this enough but I love you dearly. You are such a strong person and I envy and admire you for that. I wish I could be half as strong as you are. You are my sister so I have to love you, but more than that you are my friend and so I choose to love you even more. You are beautiful inside and out. Now, I know we're not always the best of friends and we fight more often than I'd like. But I heard once that if people take the time to argue with you than they care more than you think. I guess that must be true because I care about you with my whole heart. I hope to always have you as a friend and confidant. Thank you for always being there for me and giving me sound advice (even when I don't want to hear it...especially then). You are my rock and I love you. Thank you.
Love,
Erin Rae
I know I don't say this enough but I love you dearly. You are such a strong person and I envy and admire you for that. I wish I could be half as strong as you are. You are my sister so I have to love you, but more than that you are my friend and so I choose to love you even more. You are beautiful inside and out. Now, I know we're not always the best of friends and we fight more often than I'd like. But I heard once that if people take the time to argue with you than they care more than you think. I guess that must be true because I care about you with my whole heart. I hope to always have you as a friend and confidant. Thank you for always being there for me and giving me sound advice (even when I don't want to hear it...especially then). You are my rock and I love you. Thank you.
Love,
Erin Rae
Write a letter a day.
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Someone who always makes you happy
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Yourself at 13
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The artist who has influenced you most.
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Futuristic goals
Well, once again I find myself slacking in updating. I guess I've just been busy juggling two jobs, I've hardly spent any time at all on the computer and the few moments I had I wasn't going to spend writing nonsense in a journal. It's not like anything I write is of any consequence anyway. Nothing exciting happens in my life, mostly because I don't go out and do anything exciting. I complain about how my life is so dull and repetitive, and yet I never do anything about it. I don't know. I'd like for that to change, I'd like to do something spur of the moment, but I just don't have the guts to do it.
For instance, I really want to go on a road trip, but do I ever take the time to plan one out? Nope. Besides, I don't want to go alone and finding someone else to go with me is a lot harder than you might think. Maybe I'm just destined to live my life inside my comfort zone, or maybe I'll find someone that will give me that extra push I need and I'll be exposed to a whole new world. I don't know, I guess only time can tell. Either way, I hope I learn to love the life I live, rather than wallow in self-pity. Believe me, self-pity is not attractive on anyone. (No wonder I've been single for so long.)
That's another thing, I've grown so comfortable being on my own I've forgotten what it was like to actually be in a relationship. Some days I really wish I could find someone to give it a go with, but other days I'm perfectly content not being tied down. I don't want to have to answer to anyone or check in before I decide to do something. And yet, being alone all the time is no fun either. Can't I have the best of both worlds? Not that it matters, I probably don't have the capacity to love anyone more than myself anyway. Honestly, some days I think I'll spend the rest of my life alone. While that might depress some people, it really doesn't have that effect on me. I don't know, maybe I'm just fooling myself. I guess one day I'll know for sure.
It's about time I grow up though. I need to get all my shit together and do all the things I've spent the last three years saying I was going to do. Time to finish up school, get a real job, get my own place and figure out how to manage everything on my own. No more relying on other people when I fall. I've got to learn to pick myself up and try again. I need to move on. I need to be proud of myself, to respect myself, and maybe then the rest will just...fall into place.
Maybe.
For instance, I really want to go on a road trip, but do I ever take the time to plan one out? Nope. Besides, I don't want to go alone and finding someone else to go with me is a lot harder than you might think. Maybe I'm just destined to live my life inside my comfort zone, or maybe I'll find someone that will give me that extra push I need and I'll be exposed to a whole new world. I don't know, I guess only time can tell. Either way, I hope I learn to love the life I live, rather than wallow in self-pity. Believe me, self-pity is not attractive on anyone. (No wonder I've been single for so long.)
That's another thing, I've grown so comfortable being on my own I've forgotten what it was like to actually be in a relationship. Some days I really wish I could find someone to give it a go with, but other days I'm perfectly content not being tied down. I don't want to have to answer to anyone or check in before I decide to do something. And yet, being alone all the time is no fun either. Can't I have the best of both worlds? Not that it matters, I probably don't have the capacity to love anyone more than myself anyway. Honestly, some days I think I'll spend the rest of my life alone. While that might depress some people, it really doesn't have that effect on me. I don't know, maybe I'm just fooling myself. I guess one day I'll know for sure.
It's about time I grow up though. I need to get all my shit together and do all the things I've spent the last three years saying I was going to do. Time to finish up school, get a real job, get my own place and figure out how to manage everything on my own. No more relying on other people when I fall. I've got to learn to pick myself up and try again. I need to move on. I need to be proud of myself, to respect myself, and maybe then the rest will just...fall into place.
Maybe.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Wishful Thinking
Things to do before I die:
+write a novel
+get poems published
+design/make something
+leave the country (done)
+go to Paris
+go to Italy
+go to Greece on my honeymoon
+live in Spain for a year
+get my Ph.D
+do what I love
+learn to fly an airplane
+swim with dolphins
+sky-dive
+own my own coffee shop
+make my parents proud
+practice photography again
+have a baby
+save someone's life
+adopt a child
+own my own house
+see New York City
+take a road trip across the U.S.
+scuba-dive
+visit Morocco
+make enough money to support myself
+learn astronomy
+learn sign-language
+learn Italian
+speak Spanish fluently
+write a letter to everyone who changed my life
+change someone's life
+go on a cruise
+fall asleep under the stars
+go on a safari in Africa
+meet someone famous
+be famous
+teach someone something
+decorate my own house
+design my own house
+be happy on my own (done)
If I think of more I'll be adding on later. I'm sure there are a million and one things I'd love to do, I'm just trying to be realistic in my aspirations.
+write a novel
+get poems published
+design/make something
+leave the country (done)
+go to Paris
+go to Italy
+go to Greece on my honeymoon
+live in Spain for a year
+get my Ph.D
+do what I love
+learn to fly an airplane
+swim with dolphins
+sky-dive
+own my own coffee shop
+make my parents proud
+practice photography again
+have a baby
+save someone's life
+adopt a child
+own my own house
+see New York City
+take a road trip across the U.S.
+scuba-dive
+visit Morocco
+make enough money to support myself
+learn astronomy
+learn sign-language
+learn Italian
+speak Spanish fluently
+write a letter to everyone who changed my life
+change someone's life
+go on a cruise
+fall asleep under the stars
+go on a safari in Africa
+meet someone famous
+be famous
+teach someone something
+decorate my own house
+design my own house
+be happy on my own (done)
If I think of more I'll be adding on later. I'm sure there are a million and one things I'd love to do, I'm just trying to be realistic in my aspirations.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
starting fresh
Wow, over two years since my last online journal post. Interesting how life tends to get in the way even when all you want to do is document it. I guess some people are meant to write everything out while others are just meant to enjoy it at that moment. But memories fade and people leave and all that's left are old photographs and if you're lucky, journal entries to help you relive happier days.
And I guess the not so happy days.
Alright, here's my hundredth attempt at keeping, and maintaining and blog. No small feat for a girl like me who can't seem to commit to anything. Call it what you will, I just get distracted easily.
More to follow.
And I guess the not so happy days.
Alright, here's my hundredth attempt at keeping, and maintaining and blog. No small feat for a girl like me who can't seem to commit to anything. Call it what you will, I just get distracted easily.
More to follow.
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